Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Hey.

I am a jolly good fellow and nobody can deny it, because I got a new job. I will start on Monday, February 16 and I cannot overemphasize how incredibly excited I am about this. I will be a paralegal for a law firm here in Oxford, and I honestly have no idea how I landed the job. After reading my Paralegal Career for Dummies book, I've realized how lucky I am. People who are paralegals typically have completed academic work and extensive training and have a pretty certificate or diploma to show for it. As a matter of fact, there is a paralegal school at Ole Miss where they have a huge pool of more than qualified applicants to choose from, but for some reason, they chose to hire me, who has absolutely zero legal knowledge or experience whatsoever. I did not lie nor did I give him any impression that I had any clue as to what paralegals do, but he took a HUGE leap of faith and offered me the job. 

It's funny how life works. How ironic that I would have a job in the legal field before my husband. Apparently, paralegals are also called legal assistants or "non-lawyers." I'm going to stick with paralegal, although it would be funny to watch peoples reactions as I walk around announcing I am a non-lawyer. Basically, as a paralegal in this firm, I will be drafting documents for wills and estates, divorces, child support, adoptions, guardianships, etc. The attorney I will be working for said I will spend the majority of my time assisting, representing, and guiding people in purchasing a home (sometimes their first) and trying to make it an easy and pleasant experience. (Note: that job description came directly from an e-mail he wrote me. I don't want to get fired for plagiarism before my first day of work.) 

Anyway, the timing of this job offer was PERFECT. I capitalized that word because in my head, I yelled it. Working in a gastroenterologists office is alright (at times), but not for this girl. I'm going to spare you the details of why I reached a boiling point, but feel free to call me and allow me to vent if you want. I'm sure Aaron would appreciate the break from my nonstop bellyaching. I never want to think about or speak of colons again until I am 50 years old and am forced to have a colonoscopy. 

A huge perk of me being a paralegal is that I can finally relate to my husband and we will have something in common. We both love chess, snowboarding, and Jake, but when it comes to hobbies and interests, we are on opposite sides of earth. In fact, maybe I will be able to teach him a few things about the law, even though I'm sure he already knows everything I will learn in my new job. I'm nervous about the job, but I'm pretty sure I will become the best paralegal that law firm has ever hired. 

Besides the drastic career change, there is not a whole lot to report on. Aaron continues to be the ultimate law school champion, even though I'm pretty sure he is drained after writing a brief that he worked day and night on for weeks. We had a little super bowl get together with some other law students and their wives/girlfriends, and Aaron went with me to Walmart to get some supplies for the party. I feel compelled to tell the story of how Aaron "shops" at Walmart to see if I am the only wife who goes through this. See, Aaron tries to be efficient at everything he does, but I am afraid we disagree drastically on his method of how to get in and out of the superstore in as few minutes as possible. This is what Aaron does: he grabs a buggy, walks directly toward what he perceives to be the middle of the store, and then he just stands there. Won't budge. After I have acknowledged where Aaron has parked for the event, I go down every aisle getting as many items as I can fit in my arms, and then walk back to Aaron and his buggy, and place everything in the cart. I continue to make fifty trips to and from Aaron until my grocery list is complete while he sits there looking like a giant turd. He does not move. Not at all. This is crazy...right? Most people, actually everybody in the entire world, pushes their buggy in front of them as they shop so they can expediently place their items in the cart as they go. Please support me by telling Aaron that he is insane, and nothing about his shopping trips are normal or efficient. That was quite the random rant, but I just had to get it out of my system. 

In other news, Aaron and I are planning to have a perfect marriage in seven weeks. We are attending a class called "The Marriage Course" that is being offered at a Methodist church in Oxford. We learned about the class through one of Aaron's former law professors who convinced us it was the key to a successful marriage. In all seriousness, it seems like it is going to be a great class. The class occurs every Sunday evening for eight weeks and it covers an extremely wide range of topics. Each class begins with a candlelight dinner and then we do exercises that do not include any group discussion or fellowship whatsoever. The discussions are structured in a way that made it feel like a huge two hour conversation between the husband and wife.  So now Aaron and I have no excuse for not having a flawless marriage. 

I think that is about everything newsworthy in our lives right now. The post dedicated to my brother Drew has been temporarily postponed but I have not forgotten about it. Before I say my goodbyes, I want to participate in the facebook trend where I write 25 things about myself. I'm not going to post this on facebook because then I would have to "tag" 25 people and I don't think that 25 people want to know these stupid facts about myself. Here it goes:

1. I think "Womanizer" by Brittany Spears is literally the most terrible song I have ever heard in my life.
2. I sneeze in fours. You don't have to bless me until the fourth. 
3. I think Bill O'Reilly is brilliant and it is a personal life goal of mine that he would read one of my e-mails on the air. 
4. My dog, Jake, is my life, and I would jump in front of a car to protect him. One time, Drew told me Jake was ugly and I gave him the silent treatment for about two months until he apologized. 
5. I cannot do fractions. I don't understand them and I never use them in real world situations. 
6. I was in the math club in high school and went to the math convention every year. 
7. My favorite splurge is an Essential Facial at Trio's Spa. I would recommend it. 
8. I have very vivid memories of my brother Chase and I walking to T.C.B.Y. and K&B when we were kids. He always made fun of the way I pronounced the word "car."
9. I am pretty sure I will get skin cancer one day. I never use sunblock and I have experienced many third degree sunburns. 
10. I haven't watched a horror movie since I was 19 and I will never watch one for the rest of my life. 
11. I like to dry my hair and put my make up on sitting on the floor Indian style.  
12. When Aaron is teaching me something about law or politics, I never pay attention, but he keeps talking anyway. 
13. Skipping should replace walking. It is a good cardio exercise and lets face it, it's just plain fun. 
14. I would estimate that 90% of mine and Aaron's fights are about him making me late for something. I refuse to pass on Lowry Standard Time to my descendants. 
15. My pinky toenails do not grow.
16. Even though it is February, I am wearing flip flops daily. 
17. I hitchhiked from Philadelphia to Washington D.C. and rode in a car with an FBI agent and Sweet Potato Queen. 
18. I have way too many pet peeves. Seriously...way too many. One of them is the deep hatred for loose paper. I throw everything away, even the important stuff. I hate clutter. 
19. I have had the same bank account since I was 14 years old. 
20. When I was four or five years old, Drew taught me it was polite to burp. 
21. Growing up, we used to have to give my mom $1 every time we burped. Her attempt to rid us from this dirty habit failed miserably. Sorry Mom. 
22. When I was 15 years old, I kissed a boy on the beach at church camp. I ended up marrying him five years later. 
23. I tear up every single time I hear Amazing Grace and Precious Lord, Take My Hand. 
24. For several years as a little girl, I would write a letter to God and give it to my pastor on Sunday mornings and ask him to make sure God received my letter. To this day, I still write letters to God, I just leave them in a journal. 
25. Aaron Rice...he's my man. I thank my lucky stars that I married such an honorable man.

Did anybody watch Bill O'Reilly's interview with feminist Courtney Martin tonight? He was brilliant!  

6 comments:

Aaron said...

The store was cram packed because it was the day before the Super Bowl. Believe me, my method was easier than hauling a very full buggy up and down every food aisle while dodging those who were too stupid to leave their buggy behind. As for sitting their like a turd, somebody had to guard the buggy.

Marty Cooper said...

This was an excellent start to my morning. They hired you b/c you are OBVIOUSLY the funniest, cutest person around. Yeah, that grocery cart thing is odd. Kurt's a bad shopper, but he doesn't go all "turd" on me. Hope you enjoy your new job!

emily said...

Congratulations on your new perfect job! I know you will be brilliant at it. I have had people actually take things out of my buggy while my back was turned. I saw them walk away with it!!! So in a busy Walmart I would have to agree that a buggy guard might be a good idea. BUT only when it is super busy!

Haley said...

I like how Aaron's idea of being "efficient" translates to standing still while you do all the work. Convenient. So glad you're back and blogging, Kelly, but I might have to call to get the full scoop on the boiling point with the old job.

Chase and Adrea Maxwell said...

How were you in the math club if you couldn't do fractions? Seems like that would be an issue. Chase is a bad shopper, but he is too restless to stand still for any amount of time. Instead, he wanders around aimlessly while I make sure we get everything we need.

Megan said...

yes, your mom's effort to stop you from burping did fail miserably!!!! also, I have visions of college days walking into your room while you sit Indian style blowdrying your hair! i miss those days!!!!! love you!